awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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