Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
