waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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