i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
