well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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