Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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