you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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