the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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