I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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