so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
