God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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