He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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