guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
