I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
