Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
