She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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