Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
