Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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