Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
