i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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