Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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