did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
