I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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