Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
