If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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