How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
