i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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