you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
