apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
