Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
