that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
