Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
