she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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