I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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