Is it because I queefed?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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