You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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