Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I deserve this hangover.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
