You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
