Swine flu. Run for my life!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
