I wannas sexs uuuuu
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
did i walk over a car last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
