is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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