you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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