hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
