I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
