just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
