He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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