Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
