Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
