TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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