yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
