Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
did i just pee glitter
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
