I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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