With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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